#33. "Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning" (1985, Steinmann)
By Eivind Langdal
30th December 2009

Did you know that I had planned to watch all the Friday the 13th movies before Halloween so I could use the reviews as a specially packed gift for my reader(s)? I had about a month to do it, and I figured that watching ten movies in such a short time would be no problem. As I am writing this, I’m wondering what I am going to get everyone for Christmas, as it’s almost December. That means two months have passed since I decided to watch the entire series. And I’m only halfway. Now, I didn’t have as much time as I thought I had when it came to watching movies, but I have had enough to watch the entire series. I did not, however, have the patience to watch them all.

You know how, when you’re exercising and you’re getting really exhausted, and to cheer you up, someone else tells you that you’re halfway there, it feels very much like you’re being reminded how out of shape you are? I know I’m supposed to hear that I’m halfway to my goal, but it sounds less like an encouragement and more like a put-down. Well, my friend, that goes for the Friday the 13th movies as well. The four previous movies didn’t do much for me in the pleasing-department, but at least they weren’t boring. This one was very much that.

Now, I have to ask, since when were horror movies boring? I mean, that’s the last thing you’d expect them to be! Sure, every once in a while, you’ll get one that simply doesn’t cut it, but is it really the one where over a dozen people are killed? How untalented are you as a director when you can put so many fictional characters in an early grave and make it boring? It’s as if the director of this film had it in his mind to purposely bore his audience with murder. Why? Maybe he wanted to prove a point or something. That sounds plausible, right? Right?

Okay, maybe that’s not the reason this movie is so boring. Maybe the people involved really did try to make it interesting. But, boy, did they fail. It does try something different, but so did the fat man when he went from eating cake to chocolate. Doesn’t mean he got any thinner. The plot here is slightly different in outline, but not in execution. We are not on a camp or a lake anymore, but a remote facility for psychically challenged youth, one of whom is Tommy Jarvis, who you probably (don’t) remember was the mask modeling kid from the previous film, who apparently has spent a lot of time inside examinations rooms and whatnot (it’s hard to tell since the movie doesn’t bother to provide much information on his background). I didn’t remember if it was the same guy (even though there is a flashback in the beginning of the film that should have made it clear that it was), so I had to look it up.

Tommy doesn’t talk much with anyone, including his fellow weirdos (who, for the most part, seem pretty normal). Much of his time is spent having nightmares about Jason (both during the night and the day). We are told that he is dead, but is he really? Or is someone picking up his work? Hard to tell, as the movie is all over the place (I think it was trying to be really mysterious, but I didn’t care enough to bother guessing anything). Tommy is definitely a suspect, especially as he apparently has gotten really buff and learned advanced martial arts. Oh, and he’s got a real anger problem.

But then again, there are plenty of suspects. I am reminded of something the character Dwight in the American version of the television series The Office said: “it’s never the one you suspect the most, or the one you suspect you least”, meaning that it’s probably the one you suspect somewhat, but not enormously. Whoever is committing the deed really isn’t important. It’s still boring, even though the filmmakers find semi-original ways for the killer to dispose off his victims. Someone, anywhere, find an original way to kill off this franchise. It might be alive when its main antagonist is not, but sometimes it feels like the complete opposite.