21. Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981, Miner)
By Eivind Langdal
16th November 2009

You know, if there was ever a guy I didn’t want to be while writing a movie review, it would be Guy Pearce’s character from Memento (you know, the dude without any short term memory). Unfortunately, that’s pretty much who I am right now. You see, writing a review for the second installment in the Friday the 13th franchise has to be done quickly. You can’t waste any time. Why not? Because the movie is so forgettable that chances are big you’ll actually forget it if the time passed between you watching the movie and reviewing it is too long. And we’re not talking weeks here. We’re talking days. Maybe even hours. And they say movies immortalize their characters.

Still, it’s a better film than its predecessor, much because it has gotten rid of those pesky scenes where we see everything from the killer’s POV. Sure, there are some of those in this one too, but at least the director is wise enough to not let any of the characters interact with the killer, which in the original was awkward business, as the actors would talk straight into the camera and not get any response, resulting in some very cheesy scenes (after all, if we had heard the killer talking, we would know it was a woman). There was no reason to it being this way other than the fact the there was supposed to be a big reveal at the end.

The plot is like a rehash of the original. The only survivor, Alice, is disposed off in the opening scene (but not before having a dream that consists of lots of flashbacks and exposition dialogue from the first film). Before you know it, we are back to Crystal Lake, where a new camp has opened. The old camp has now been unofficially christened “Camp Blood” by the locals, and the counselors that arrive at the new camp is told that they are not allowed to go there. Care to take a guess if they obey that command?

This paragraph right here would probably be the place to list the characters, but truth is: I’ve forgotten all about them. There was one that was slightly older than the others (or maybe he just looked older). He had a girlfriend, I think. There was also a guy in a wheelchair. Oh yeah, there was also a brunette in there somewhere. The rest? I have no idea. This movie is as interested in character as it is in its own plot. The characters in this film aren’t human beings, they’re simply meat for the grinder. They’re assignment is to die. Everything else is apparently just in the way.

As expected, the camp counselors barely get time to settle in before terror begins anew. I wonder when we’re actually going to see some attendees in Crystal Lake? If you want to make a film about people preparing something suddenly ending up dead, why not make one about carpenters building a house? Maybe some teachers planning future lessons? That last suggestion would probably play to a larger number of kids who has yet to realize why they go to school.

Those who know their horror history will know that this is the first movie where Jason is the villain (his mother had that assignment in the first film). Sadly, he hasn’t acquired either his machete or his hockey mask yet, so anyone looking for an iconic horror monster will be disappointed when they see exactly what he wears in this film. Not that it matters, as we don’t really see him at all. I’d call that disappointing, but, of course, when he finally gets some well-needed screen-time near the end of the film, one begins to realize exactly why he was left in the shadows for the larger part of the film.

However, even if Friday the 13th, Part 2 is a bad film, it is still slightly better than its predecessor. For starters, the direction has improved (somewhat). Secondly, the actors this time around are not as uninteresting (though not exactly super-interesting either). Thirdly, Miss Voorhees is decapitated, which means no cheesy scenes with her talking to herself. But, to paraphrase AC/DC slightly, there’s still a long way to the top, and if the Friday the 13th franchise can’t summon anything better than this cheese fest, I have to ask: how the hell did Jason get so iconic?

Sure, I knew I should lower my expectations for this film, but I was still disappointed. It’s just so boring. It’s not even approaching something that could be called scary. The script seems like the result of a contest where five writers tried to find out who could type the fastest. Surely in such a contest you’d rather read the loser’s work, as he probably spent some time on it? After all, the script in Friday the 13th, Part 2 feels so rushed that I wonder if the ink would have had time to dry if it had been written with a pen instead of a typewriter.

Maybe that’s the explanation. Maybe this movie was written with a pen. Maybe the ink didn’t have time to dry, so the writer’s hand accidentally leaned into it, resulting in the script becoming nothing but some white paper with a lot of black liquid smeared all over it. Maybe someone was too stupid to notice, and green-lit the film anyway. Perhaps nobody really paid any attention, and perhaps this didn’t really become clear to anyone after the film was finished. If you think that sounds absurd, then I think you haven’t seen the film. Disappointing.