07. The Thing (1982, John Carpenter)
By Eivind Langdal
16th September 2009

Personal inclusion alert! Oh yes, John Carpenter’s The Thing, where Kurt Russell is really beardy and can’t tell the difference between Norwegians and Swedes. That sounds like a really good time, doesn’t it? Did I mention the film also includes a cannibalistic stomach, really crazy scientists and looks so frozen you’re likely to catch a cold watching it? If that doesn’t want you to check it out right away, then there’s something terribly wrong with you.

The Thing was a movie that would constantly air on TV when I was young, but I was not old enough to watch it, so I would sneak down to my room and catch what I could of it, with one hand on the remote in case I was caught. Each time it aired, I would see a bit more than the last time. It was truly a wonderful time. Then, one time, I finally saw the entire thing. I couldn’t believe such a great movie existed. Since then I’ve seen it countless times. It’s not as terrifying now as it was then, but what can you expect? I mean, if I watch it one more time, the DVD will probably self-destruct or something. Why would it self-destruct? Because there is only so much awesomeness one person can take.

The film is famous for being one of the few superior remakes in a world filled to the brim with crappy ones. The original was called The Thing From Another World, and was released in 1951 (it was directed by Howard Hawks, though credits are usually bestowed upon Christian Nyby). It was featured in Halloween, another brilliant film directed by John Carpenter. However, most fans of the Carpenter’s version tends to view it less as a remake of Hawk’s film and more of a reimagening of the novella that originally inspired the first movie, which is named Who Goes There? and was written by John W. Campbell, Jr. in 1938. This seems to explain why this remake works and others do not.

As the film begins, two men in a helicopter are chasing a dog through the icy cold of Antarctica. They are desperately trying to kill it. They eventually make it to an American camp, where certain events take place that leave the two guys in the ‘copter dead and the dog alive. The Americans figure the ‘copter guys had just gone crazy, but two of them, including pilot R.J. McCready (that would be the aforementioned Russell), decide to take a trip to their camp anyway. There they find out that the two guys in the helicopter belonged to a Norwegian crew who found something very odd in the ice. Exactly what, they can’t pinpoint, but it couldn’t have been anything good, as they find one of the Norwegians having committed suicide by slitting his own throat.

Indeed, it turns out that the Norwegian did the wisest thing (of course, he’s a Norwegian), because, as it turns out, the dog is really an alien with the ability to infiltrate the bodies of living things and imitate them so much you wouldn’t know the difference even if it imitated someone you had known your entire life. It is here that I think The Thing prevails over such films as Alien, because it doesn’t just drop a monster in some location and have it pick off people one by one until only one remains to fight it. No, the key to success in The Thing is its skillful portrayal of paranoia. When the Americans eventually learn about the nature of their enemy, they quickly begin to go against each other, and why shouldn’t they? After all, they know for certain one of them is imitated. They just don’t know which one.

As I said previously, I’ve seen the film so many times it’s not really that scary anymore, but I found that it also works as a great action film. Hell, it is even really funny occasionally (keep an eye on the bottle in the first scene). Okay, so maybe “sporadically” is more fitting than “occasionally” in that sentence, but I’m not perfect, am I? I know I give that impression sometimes, but I’m as flawed as the rest of God’s creatures. Anyway, back to the film.

The film’s best scene sees the crew trying to bring out their foe by tying up the suspects and drawing everyone’s blood to find out who is imitated. Because, as it turns out, every part of The Thing is a living organism on its own, so when McCready heats up the container with the blood, it will react in some way. The problem, neither they nor the audience know how it will react. As the scene goes on, the list of possible suspects becomes shorter, and tension grows as we start to wonder who can be The Thing. Since this is a spoiler-free review, I won’t tell how the scene resolves itself, but I can give a warning: be ready! If you think you will jump, you most likely will.

You know, even writing about The Thing makes me want to see it again. It’s like a drug, really. As I said earlier, it might be the kind of film you can only watch a certain number of times because it might be too awesome for any human being too see too many times. Also like a drug, I just need “one more”. Just one more fix. Just one more time watching The Thing. Even if I can’t take it, I think it would be worth it. It’s that good.