The Horror Basement: Introduction I’m going to start off this running feature with a confession: I don’t have a basement. The house I’m living in only has a first and second floor. But come on, naming this thing ”Eivind’s Horror First Floor” would have just been so ridiculous. So, I guess all I can do is welcome ya’ll to this place, where screams are aplenty and where the sun rarely shines (except, you know, during the day – God, this is so unprofessional). Anyway, what this thing will be is a place where I will essentially, in all its simplicity, review horror films. Plain and simple. Sure, I might do the occasional feature and article and whatever, but as of now, it will first and foremost feature reviews. So, why the horror genre? I mean, I know what you’re thinking: "Eivind, you’re such a romantic guy, why not do rom-coms instead?“ Well, while few things would excite me more than watching films where guys and gals have on-and-off-relationships and essentially end up together like, I don’t know, every time, I felt it would be more exciting to watch films that would deprive me of my sleep and make sure that every school day would be a blurry mess thanks to the lack of energy I would have after watching people getting slashed, throated and suffocated and whatever unendurable atrocities horror film victims are succumbed to these days. I know, you can practically touch the logic there. But I like horror films. I always have. Through the years, I’ve seen my fair share, and while I haven’t always enjoyed all of them, I’ve kept my love for them up ‘till today, and I presume that love will continue to blossom in many years to come. Back in the day I would watch so many of them it’s a wonder I have turned out to be such a nice and caring soul. But lately, I’ve been too occupied with serious films, where people die of natural and realistic causes. I mean, what is up with that? I mean, you should know that, if you’re not killed by a machete, you’re not killed at all. But why do I love horror films? I know people who’d do a lot of things they normally wouldn’t do before they’d subject themselves to a single one of them, and that is understandable. Well, I guess I like it because it’s such an honest genre. There’s no pretense. A great horror film looks pretty much exactly like a bad one. It doesn’t need to have a great budget or a name cast (in fact, I’d argue that few horror films ever benefits from recognizable names). It doesn’t need to have a sub-text or a message. As long as it scares me, it’s good in my book. That being said, if you are a horror film director and aim to really impress me, you’ll have to make sure I remember your film. I mean, many horror films have scared me shitless, but a few months later I might have forgotten them, and then it doesn’t matter how little they made me sleep, because I eventually recovered. However, in this feature, I will make no difference between good and bad horror films. I will review them all. Old and new. Scary and not scary. Funny and unfunny. Makes no difference to me. In addition, I hope people will contribute recommendations (actually, I don’t so much hope as I wish, as I guess I will eventually run out of films and need help to keep this thing running). I’d certainly be happy to receive any suggestions. If you have any ideas (not just for films, but maybe for something else too), you can send them to my e-mail address (eivind_l@hotmail.com). You can title them “Eivind’s Horror Basement” so I know that they are relevant, and I’ll try to pretend I consider them all. Sleep tight! But remember to check under you bed! Don’t want your mother to find those porn magazines. What, you thought I was going to say something about monsters or bogeymen? One last thing: I'd like to give a shout-out to HughesRoss at the Empire forum, whose Horror Collection thread not only served as the inspiration and the starting point for this feature, but also serves as a cracking good read by a guy who is truly passionate about horror films. Even if this column is only half as good as that thread, I think I should be proud. |